"You didn't have time to make fingerprints on the wall,
Instead you made fingerprints on our hearts."

Tuesday, April 22, 2014


So I understand people aren't mind readers and I understand the world doesn't revolve around me so i'm just going to say it and put it out there as nice as I can so everyone knows. I hope with that being said that everyone who knows me will respect this and try to understand where I am coming from.

As most of you know my twin boys Logan and Steven passed away 5 months ago, I am still deeply grieving. I have a full time job, part time job, organizations I am involved with and lots of hobbies. I am busy. You might see me laughing, smiling, working, playing or just simply "enjoying life." Don't let this fool you. My heart is broken and will NEVER be whole again, my soul has been torn out and ripped apart. Our lives have been turned upside down by experiencing the worst thing ever, losing our children. We had to say goodbye before saying hello, before kissing, holding,talking or playing with our children. We didn't get to hear their cries or giggles. With this being said DO NOT bring your newborn babies around me, do not talk to me about how excited you are about being pregnant. If I approach you about your baby or pregnancy that's one thing but be considerate that not every one in the world is excited. There are a lot of mothers and fathers who have lost children and are not comfortable with you flaunting it. I'm just asking that you think twice. This is where i'm at in my life right now and I can not physically or emotionally deal with newborns or pregnant women. So I ask that you don't flaunt it. I'm not saying I cant look at newborns or pregnant women just don't approach me and talk to me about it because I am not interested. I'm very thankful for those who have healthy pregnancies and babies but I didn't so please back off. I say this in the nicest way possible.

Sunday, April 6, 2014


So usually when I get tattoos I am a nervous mess. I start sweating, shaking and just freak out because I know it hurts!! lol We went to clocked in Athens to eat some DELICIOUS burgers right before my appt. When my babies passed away I knew immediately that I wanted to get their hand prints and names tattooed close to my heart. It goes along with my favorite quote:
"You didn't have time to make fingerprints on the wall, instead you made fingerprints on our hearts."
I decided to bring the molds we have of their hands and their beads of courage. I wanted to see my babies so I brought their pictures as well. Surprisingly, I wasn't shaking or sweating not even freaking out. I was actually calm. Strange. As we began to get started I asked the tattoo artist Graham from pain and Wonder tattoo in Athens, if it would be ok if I put a picture of my babies up so they could watch. I know it sounds crazy. He was so sweet and let me do whatever made me comfortable. The whole time I was getting tattooed I just felt this overwhelming feeling of peace and love. I believe my babies were there watching over their mommy and trying to make this tattoo process as smooth as possible. The pain wasn't at all what I expected, not really painful at all. I'm thankful that days are starting to get a bit easier now. I am constantly feeling Logan and Steven around me and its so comforting to me. Their presence is always around me.

Love you Logan and Steven.
Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.