"You didn't have time to make fingerprints on the wall,
Instead you made fingerprints on our hearts."

Sunday, November 9, 2014

*Mixed feelings*

As I sit here watching football with my husband and my sweet animals I can't help but think about how it's almost Monday and how much I dread it. I have so much anxiety over it. Honestly, I'm scared to death of Monday. Why? Monday is Logan and Stevens birthday. I'm re-learning to live each day without my sons but this will be their first birthday. How am I going to survive that? I mean I know I will, I have to but it just breaks my heart into a million pieces. I should be planning their party, inviting people, picking out their outfits, getting smash cakes for them, getting them a million toys.....but instead I'm left with empty arms and a broken heart. How am I suppose to celebrate their precious lives when I'm so angry that they were taken from us? I know they wouldn't want me to be sad but I can't help but have mixed feelings about this day. I decided to give back and try to help families who have had a loss too. I've decided to collect items that helped me and donate them to Athens  Regional and Gwinnett Medical. I want these families to treasure these items like I do and somehow find peace and comfort as well. I do look forward to visiting the nurses and staff that helped us and cared for my babies. I will forever be grateful for all their love. I just can't believe it's almost been a year. What I would do for another second with my boys. I do want to share their lives with the world so I have mailed out birthday cards in their memory and I hope that when you receive yours you stop and think about my boys or talk to them and just wish them a happy birthday. I want them to know they are loved and missed by so many. If I didn't send you one I'm sorry let me know and I would love to mail one out.


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