*Different Me*

I am not the same person I was 4 months ago. I use to think nothing bad could ever happen to me. My life was exactly how i wanted it. Married to my amazing husband and pregnant with TWINS. I use to always tell people what they wanted to hear instead of the truth because I didn't want to hurt them or I wanted to avoid confrontation, I was a people pleaser. I would always put peoples feelings first. Then my twins passed away and my world changed forever. I became a different person, a different me. I realized that no matter what you do things still happen. It didn't matter if you were good or bad, bad things still happen. I became outspoken and honest. I no longer put peoples feelings before mine and I do whats best for me and my husband. I found the strength to put aside all the BS and push all the negative people out of my life because there is no room for negativity nor do I want it. My life 4 months consisted of pleasing people. My new life consists of giving back to those who were there for me and continue to be there through good and bad. I have made new friendships with some amazing people that mean the world to me who have shown support and love more than some people I have known for years. My life now is about Logan and Steven and giving back to those who helped them. Everything I do is in memory of my boys. The way I am now is because of my boys. I love more, give more, support more, understand more, i'm stronger and I have learned to just be honest no matter what. This might seem mean but to be honest I don't care. This is who I am. I have the right to live my life and do whats best for me. I look at the world from a different view now and the little things I use to think were important aren't anymore. I realized there are more important things in life. I may not be as happy as I was before but i'm hoping that with time this grief wont be as painful. I see things a lot clearer now and I am grateful. My babies have taught me a new way of life and even though they aren't physically here with me I am thankful they are a part of my life because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today.